Learn to appreciate your kids more. They're phenomenal human beings, due in large part to you. It's time to start making that transition in your head that reclassifies them as real, honest-to-god adults. While you're at it, we've got to do something about that nasty habit you have of being so damn accepting of me. A guy's liable to to get all misty about being accepted into someone's home so readily. And quit being so damn critical of your cooking/baking. It's world class, accept it, and move on.
I'm really glad you're happy. Now just go further away and be happy.
Get your collective shit together. You are the best matched, most in love, beautiful couple I know. Start acting like it. Oh, and let me throw out a resounding, "Fuck that shit," to any thoughts of moving away. Not happenin'. And stop treating me like I'm so damn smart, Bean. If you aren't at least 10 I.Q. points, and 5 years of education ahead of me, I'll eat that Equity hat I bought tonight.
You still have to work on that whole delivery thing, man. I know you're almost always right (except when you disagree with me), but you credit people in general with having a thicker hide than they really have. Go easy. Also, that whole thing where your drinking habit paid off with the coolest job ever. Fuck that, so not fair. You're still too generous, and you enjoy life way more than a body should be allowed. Gotta few things to learn about treating women, too. Hurry up and figure that out.
You really need to let go of that whole "Jesus" thing. I think you know it's time, I think you've been questioning things for a while, but oh, how you fear change! I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't hate faggots, or love killing brown people for profit (remember the money changers?), so if you do have to believe, at least read the damn book once in a while. You need to be more appreciated for raising Rissy. You don't get enough credit where it's due, and you are to unassuming to demand it. Work on that.Toshi's Mother:
You are a beautiful human being that needs to slow down and enjoy life a bit. Stop letting boys treat you like shit, you're better than that. Remember that this is only a ride (a la Bill Hicks), not a race. And that whole generosity thing. You're cutting in on my schtick here, love. Allow a fellow his vices, all right?
The bottom line of the report, though, seems to be that it's time to pass the buck over to the Iraqis, after a few handy steps: "Iraqis may become so sobered by the prospect of an unfolding civil war and intervention by their regional neighbors that they take the steps necessary to avert catastrophe. But at the moment, such a scenario seems implausible because the Iraqi people and their leaders have been slow to demonstrate the capacity or will to act."
Call it the "sand nigger explanation": like slaves after the Civil War were more or less just expected to get over it and become good little demi-Americans, so must the Iraqis forget about the decades of deprivations under Saddam Hussein, U.N. sanctions, and, well, fuck, war, and just get on with it. It's there in Recommendation 21, the "No Iraqi Left Behind" idea: "If the Iraqi government does not make substantial progress toward the achievement of milestones on national reconciliation, security, and governance, the United States should reduce its political, military, or economic support for the Iraqi government."
How can one completely poo-poo a report where the authors say shit like leave Iran to the United Nations and fuckin' talk to Syria, that sets a timetable of "milestones" for Iraq to achieve, that states "The United States should not make an open-ended commitment to keep large numbers of American troops deployed in Iraq," and more? Because the whole document, massive press coverage and all, carries about as much actual legislative weight as, say, the 9/11 Commission report.
Hell, in that case, we've been told that the vast majority of the recommendations have been carried out, which may be true, in the same way that chimpanzees are mostly the same genetically as human beings, 98.8% so. But, looking at all the nit-eating and shit-throwing, one might think that the remaining 1.2% is crucial.
