Here we go again.

What an awful stretch of time it's been. The last several years have been rough, really rough. 2008 was the worst, but 2009 is trying real hard to eclipse it. Where to start? When I was here last, I had picked up a cyber/real life stalker. A friendship that went completely south started it. Funny thing is, they still think that I took her in to try and get in her pants. Couldn't be more wrong, but it's their daughter, and they've learned to assume the worst. Anyway, they wrote me off, other than trying to make my life miserable, and to get revenge. Wish things had gone differently.

So, now I've got this girl living with me, and hey, that's great. I've been lonely, so having company around the house is a welcome change. Doesn't hurt that (at this point in the story) I'm absolutely in love with her. Having her there, though, this causes a whole 'nother set of problems. The people who've been financing my business, nosy bastards that they are, they decide that they do not like her living with me. I am given an ultimatum. Either I boot her out (she has nowhere to go, other than maybe a shelter, which is no place for a pretty young woman of 23), or they will rescind all funding, remove all of the office equipment that they have already financed, and go about making my life as difficult as they can. Woo hoo. I refuse to remove the young woman, they make good on the threat. We lose the house on the West Slope and the business. This would not be nearly as bad as it is, if it weren't for the fact that my brother owes me around $30,000. Between his DUII fees, his attorney, his rent and expenses, my rent and expenses, and my mother's rent, I am hemorrhaging cash at an alarming rate.

So, next the car breaks down, completely. In December, I finally pick up the beat up Subaru from my family in Grants Pass, but it has a whole host of problems that I can no longer address, due to my financial situation. The tags are bad, the lights don't always work, I can't afford insurance, it has an exhaust leak, etc., etc. As this is occurring, I am losing the ability to support myself, much less my entire family. My brother loses his house first, wraps up, and moves back home, to help out Mom for a while. I try to hang onto my own house for a while longer, but after several months of being late with the rent, my landlord files for eviction. The payment structure we set up falls through (that's a whole rant in and of itself), and, on May 15, I am served a 72 hour notice to vacate. I panic. I manage to clear out, losing some of my belongings in the process. I am now homeless.

The cats, the girl (and her dog), and I all seek shelter at her boyfriend's apartment. He, and his roommate, have an extra room to let. I will rent this room, the girl will keep staying with her boyfriend, problem solved. At least for a moment.

The apartment manager takes an immediate and irrational dislike to me. He accuses me of driving too quickly through the complex, and then when he realizes that I actually drive around 2-5 mph while on the grounds, he threatens to tow my car any time it is parked on site. You see, the tags are still bad, and he will not have it on his lot. Now I must park the car on the street, several blocks away. Anyway, he keeps looking for excuses to harass me. When I am seen handing something (my BlackBerry) to someone in a car (the person who bought the BlackBerry through craigslist), I am assumed to be a drug dealer, and the sheriff's office is alerted. Eventually, I am told that I must vacate the premises, or apply to be placed on the lease. It's actually the only fair thing he's done so far. And he's right. So, I fill out the application, acknowledging my recent eviction, but explaining that my savings offer more than enough to cover my share of rent for the next few months. Between that, and the girl's job, we should have no problems. Besides, the last roommate had two evictions in his recent history, and there was no problem with him being on the lease.

Well...

Apparently, what was the case for the last roommate, it's not the case where I am concerned. I am told that my eviction is grounds for automatic denial, even if I were to pay several moths rent in advance. I am told that I have until the first of August to vacate the premises, or the people on the lease will be in violation of their terms, and that they will be evicted. I am to be homeless again.

As this is happening, the car I am borrowing, it finally gives up the ghost. It can move small distances at first, but then it gets two flat tires, and is just stuck. I lack the funds to repair the vehicle, or even replace the tires. The car is towed. I am not even upset by the time it happens.

So, here I sit, in a cheap motel room that I share with 3 friends who are also homeless at the moment. We have two beds to share, and a small kitchen and bathroom. We've got a pretty good chance at a house that we're all going to share, but it'll be another week or two.

There are some good things, though. I just got a job, working for a political consulting firm. I start tomorrow. The pay will be enough to get by on, and there is plenty of room for advancement. I have experience in communication based work, and I have a decent shot at becoming a field manager, which would really help with the financial side of things. The girl and the pets are still living with the girl's boyfriend, and that takes care of quite a bit of my stress. Things aren't ALL bad, ya know?

But, yeah, they still aren't great. I attempted suicide earlier in the year. I'm not at that point anymore, but I've run pretty well out of hope. I'm still tired and lonely, and the woman I love, well she loves someone else. The folks I thought were my closest friends and family, they mostly abandoned me, and some of them went quite out of their way to see to it that I failed.

Anyhow, that's why I haven't posted here in so long. Sorry for the long winded, "woe is me" crap, but a fella's gotta vent sometime, eh?

Cheers, and here's hoping things are going better for you than they are for me.

Back to it.

Comment moderation is now the order of the day. My apologies for the inconvenience.

Epic

Oy.

"What can I say?"

"Hey, little girl..."

So, okay. Mister Cicero has a crush. Gods, what wimp I am for even writing this.

Mister Cicero has a BIG crush. And it's for someone who is absolute trouble, all the way 'round, but still... Brains, and will, and charisma, and beauty, and pain, and happiness, and all the rest. You appeal to the best parts of me, and the worst ones, all at once. You make me nurture the human, emotional side that I reject so easily for cold logic and reason. You make the fucking sun come up in my world, kid. And I'm not even really sure how or when that happened. One moment, I was the master of my own destiny, the next, I was yours.

"So, hey, little girl,
I wanna be your boyfriend."

:)

I know the bullshit and drama that would come along with it, and I'd gladly take it all, and more, just for the chance to be with you. I know I'm not your "type" and that you're not mine. So what? You can't scare me.

"Do you love me babe?
What do you say?"

C'mon, you've even gotten me dancing and singing. Shows, and bad games of pool, and out of breath bike rides. You make me happy, and I like to think I do the same for you. Take a chance with me.

Lol. Alright, I'll stop inflicting my twitterpation on the rest of you.

:)

p.s. Bonus tunes:
I Think I Love You, The Partridge Family

Bleed The Freak, Alice In Chains

p.p.s.
Is this the digital version of telling it on the mountain? I think so.

One more time around.

I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said, "seize the day, pull the trigger,
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads."

The day I tried to live,
I stole a thousand beggars change
And gave it to the rich

The day I tried to win,
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch.



...
I woke the same as any other day, you know
I should have stayed in bed.

---

Bonus noise:


Wake Up, Rage Against The Machine

Not funny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
.

Fuck.

Yes, we can.

I won't be the only asshole to post this, but I'll give it a couple thoughts.

I do not support Senator Obama for President, not directly. I am an undecided Democratic voter. I will work for our nominee, whoever that is, because I believe that our worst is better than the best the GOP can offer. This video is part of the reason I believe that.